I started my sober journey in November 2021 after recognizing my relationship with alcohol was no longer serving me in where I wanted to go in life. Before then, I didn’t go a day without alcohol for for seven years. While there were many bad experiences that came out of drinking there were plenty of mundane everyday experiences and I never felt it was a “problem” because it didn’t fit what society’s standards are regarding a drinking problem.

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But it was a problem for me in that I was using alcohol as a way to cope with the emotional trauma and mental illness in my life. I used alcohol to force experiences I thought I wanted to happen. I got sick of straddling the line between my old lifestyle and the new lifestyle I was working toward. I have gone through the loop of sobriety, from abstinence to controlled drinking to harm reduction back to abstinence.

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July 17th marks 240 days of intentional living, reflection, and meaningful work on my relationship with alcohol. For me there’s no going back to my old lifestyle but embracing life in the loop. I wouldn’t be riding this out if it weren’t for something deeper in me calling out for wanting more out of life than what I was preciously experiencing.